For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
