well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
