I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just cropdusted the office
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
