yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
