Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize