I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
