I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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