Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
