Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
