whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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