I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
