He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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