they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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