Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
