this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
