Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
In America we eat man semen.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Congratulations! We have a period
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