On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
