i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
