dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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