god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize
