Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
