so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
