I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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