all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
