hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
