This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
