He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
