You don't have asthma, your pregnant
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
