Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
