Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
