Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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