he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
