You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Randomize
