I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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