this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
