Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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