I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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