I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
