The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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