I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just high enough for therapy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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