I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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