Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
