So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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