you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
