ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The beer is more important than you right now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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