all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
