The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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