I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
