plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
