Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize