I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
