a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
