So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sext me about skeletons
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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