Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
