Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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