it wasn't lemon gatorade
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize