You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
