hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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