i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
