They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
