my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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