Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
