I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize