Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
