But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
