I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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